Stigmatized
by Okami-Ryu
Summary: GinnyX Draco fic. Ginny has just graduated Hogwarts but all is not going well for her. Voldemort might be gone but nothing can seem to save her from herself. See complete summary in chapter one!
1. A Chance Meeting

**Summary:** _GinnyX Draco fic. Ginny has just graduated Hogwarts but all is not going well for her. Voldemort might be gone but nothing can seem to save her from herself. She feels she has no one to turn to and ends up cutting herself to relieve the pain. She's careful as she can be but she could not hide forever. Worried friends and family all check her into Saint Mungos for extended therapy. Their words fall on deaf ears, however. Just when she thinks she might as well die she runs into a familiar face in the ward. Draco Malfoy. What is he in for? Will he be another problem in her already troubled life? Or will something else happen? Read to find out! _

**Authors Notes:** _Hello there. I just wanted to let you know that this fic will be a DracoXGinny fic eventually. I promise to update it regularly as I can. College might interfere a little but I'm sure I'll manage. I openly encourage questions and comments of all sorts. This story is not yet finished and your comments might help sway the story some. Without further ado, enjoy the prologue. It takes place just before Draco graduates._

**:Warnings:** _Explicate violence, cursing, self-injury, angst, and love scenes._

_**Stigmatized**_

**Prologue:** _A Chance Meeting_

Hogwarts was passing by in a blur. Her rapid footsteps echoed down the empty hallways. No one ever came out this late at night; not that she really cared at the moment. She had let go and her demons had taken over. There was no length she couldn't run, no one she couldn't barrel through; the pain was welcome. She barreled down a long dis-used corridor to her secret place. No one would ever find her there.

Ginny came to a screeching halt at the end of the corridor. She fell to her knees because of the force of her sudden stop. She was breathing hard and trembling as she searched her robes frantically for something. She didn't notice the crumpled letter she'd been holding fall to the ground. All she cared about was her blade. Blessed bone handled scissors that she'd picked up while on a shopping trip with her mother of all places. Her fingers closed around them at last and she ripped them out of their pocket, tearing her robes in the process. Then she set to work.

She started on her legs, her blade flashed in the dim light with the frenzy of her work. She would show them. She would show them all the bloody wankers! They never listened, the never cared, and now this was her only solace. God why don't they stop? Why don't they ever fucking stop! She couldn't take it! Her breath came in short, gasping sobs as she etched her pain into the pale flesh of her legs. One deep stroke after another, she was almost hacking flesh from the bone. When her legs were streaming a slow red she tossed of her robes and hacked at her arms right through her blouse. Arms, shoulders, nothing was safe from the sweet mercy of her blade. She was so numb; she was desperate to feel.

She almost went for her stomach but she steadied herself. Not there... She might got too far. She leaned back on her legs and took a shaky breath, feeling, for the first time the deep, wet ache of all her wounds. She closed her eyes and let it sink in. It was bliss. Nothing ever centered her so much. She drew another breath, much calmer than the first and looked down at herself, at each bleeding wound. She watched the blood stream from them and slowly seeping into her robes and the floor. She pressed her hands to the red streams and spread it around, moping it slowly and staining her skin red. She was just starting to register a dizzy feeling when a voice rang out in the darkness.

"Careful Weasel, you don't want to off yourself now do you?"

Ginny looked up with are sharp gasp. No. Someone could not have found her! It wasn't until Malfoy stepped into the light offered by the moon through a nearby window that she first recognized him. "Malfoy!" she spat though it lacked it's usual venom. She was too spent from cutting as was starting to loose a little too much blood. She watched him approach, glaring at him the best she could from her vulnerable position on the floor. "What do you want Malfoy!"

Draco leaned down slowly until he was eye to eye with her. She edged back a little, taken off balance by the intense took in his gray eyes. It was like he was studying her...like some filthy lab rat or something. Her anger renewed she was about to try to hex him when he shoved her backwards onto the ground. "Clean yourself up Weasel," he sneered. "I don't want to have your pathetic little friends come running to me for revenge if you bleed to death here." With that he stalked off down the hallway, back towards his dorm probably.

Ginny scrambled to here knees, ready to curse Malfoy but his blurry form was already fading. Turning her attention back to the moment at hand she found her wand in a small puddle of blood and began clean up. She healed every incision neatly so that, once the blood washed away it wouldn't even look as though she'd been cut. Except for the cuts on her shoulder. Those she only sealed. The marks, the scars would still be there in the morning. She gave herself a few more moments before she slowly stood. She gathered her robe and the blood stained letter in her hands as she stared down at the puddle of blood she'd left behind. She wished she could just leave it...but there was too much chance that someone would find it. Raising her wand one final time she charmed the floor clean.

She lingered a minute more, staring out the bay window the hallway ended in. It offered a spectacular view of the Hogwarts grounds. She was so desperate to cut she must not have seen Malfoy standing by it. She hoped the ferrety bastard wouldn't tell...but even if he did she had no marks anywhere but her shoulders. Those that were there she hid with a brilliant glamour. She could deny everything. A cruel smile twisted her face as she thought, 'I always do..'


	2. Countdown To Destruction

**Authors Notes:** _Hello there. I just wanted to let you know that this fic will be a DracoXGinny fic eventually. I promise to update it regularly as I can. College might interfere a little but I'm sure I'll manage. I openly encourage questions and comments of all sorts. _

**:Warnings:** _Explicate violence, cursing, self-injury, angst, and love scenes._

**Chapter One: **_Countdown To Destruction_

Ginny stood in front of the full length mirror in her room trying to prepare herself for what was to come. She had to face her graduation party tonight and it wasn't shaping up to be an easy affair. Graduation had been fine but, this was a lot more personal. Family and extended family were going to be herein addition to Hermione's parents and family friends. She would see Ron and Hermione and Harry tonight. Since their graduation and subsequent destruction of Voldemort the three had moved on to have very successful lives. Hermione and Harry were preparing to become professors at Hogwarts and Ron was in the running for the national wizarding chess tournament. Everything was so perfect...so sickeningly perfect she wanted to tear it to pieces.

"Ginny dear are you ready yet?" Her mother's voice rang up from the stairwell.

"Coming Mum!" She replied softly straightening her black dress robe. Her mother had picked it out. The first non-hand-me-down clothing she'd had from her mum in years. It was sleek, form fitting with frilly ruffles along the bottom of the skirt and straps of cloth hung down her shoulders in the place of sleeves. She fingered the rigid scars that marred her shoulders, unable to see them because of the glamor she kept in place at all times. Ever since Malfoy had caught her, almost a year ago, she'd been extra careful about hiding her cutting. No one must ever know. Her pain was hers alone. She knew when to let go and when to hold herself together by threads; it was the only way she knew how to exist.

"Ginny!" her mum called a little more shrilly this time.

"Coming!" Ginny replied making her way towards the door at last. If she didn't her mom would come up and get her and she wanted to preserve what little privacy she had. She opened the door and slowly descended the steps. It was slow going because she was not used to her tight, formal shoes or her new, curly hair style that seemed to be constantly in the way.

"Oh Ginny you look beautiful!" her mother cooed suffocating her in her arms.

"Thanks mum," Ginny said meekly as she pulled back for air.

"Oh you have to come outside dear, everyone is waiting for you. You know, it was very rude of you to keep everyone waiting like that."

"I'm sorry Mum, I'll try not to do it next time." Her mother merely nodded as she dragged her outside. The back yard had been set up with long sets of tables with tents over them and white, muggle, Christmas lights everywhere. She didn't care much for all the tables lined with food or all the people she saw congregating for her but the lights were nice. She was glad something muggle had survived her fathers attempts to dissect it.

"Hey Ginny!" Ginny turned her head to find the source of the call. She spread her lips into a pretty smile as Harry, Ron, and Hermione approached her. Even after graduating Hogwarts they were always together. She was glad for them.

"Hello," Ginny said quietly as the came into hearing range.

"Congratulations Ginny!" Hermione said throwing her arms around the thin red head.

"Yeah Gin, you finally made it!" her brother chimed in, "You're a full fledged witch now!"

"When do you start training at St. Mungos?" Harry asked softly. Since the defeat of Voldemort Harry seemed softer, gentler. It was as though he no longer cared for the angry rush the world was always in. Ginny liked that attitude. Although she and Harry never resumed dating after her fifth year she still held a great deal of affection for him. Of course now it was more of a brother-sister affection than anything romantic. He paid more attention to the important things.

"I start on the first of next month," she replied with a small smile. "They wanted me sooner but I needed a break after all those exams."

Her mother appeared at her side again, out of nowhere, and clucked her tongue disapprovingly. "Yes well I still say it would be better to go straight to it. I mean you're the one who chose such a mundane career. I don't know what bothers you so about the ministry, you could be working with you father."

"Being a nurse at St. Mungo's is a highly respectable position," Harry piped in.

"Oh, yes. Of course Harry dear," her Mum said cheerfully, "I was just trying to remind Ginny that she can't afford to take too much of a break. I assume she does want her own house and family one day."

Ginny smiled a polite smile that did not quite get to her eyes. "Yes mum."

Her Mum barely heard her, however. She was fluttering off to help her dad meet and greet other guests.

"It's hard to believe that there will be no more Weasly's in Hogwarts!" Ron piped in again as his mother walked away.

"Ah, the school won't be the same without our business," Fred said slipping into their small circle.

"Well Filtch won't have to wait too long if these two get at it quickly," George added, coming up behind Hermione and Ron and squeezing them together.

"Oi! Nock it off guys! We're not even engaged yet!" Ron sputtered indignantly.

"Yet being the operative term in that statement," Hermione added. "Once we're well established in our jobs it will be much more practical."

Harry chuckled softly and said, "You'll fit right in as Gryffindor head of House."

"Oh Harry, don't be silly," Hermione flushed a little, "They're not going to give that to me on the first year."

"Hermione, you know how good you are," Ron insisted. "You'll be headmistress before long." Hermione flushed even more, her eyes gleaming at the thought of achieving a long held goal.

The conversation continued but Ginny didn't really care for it. She liked Hermione and her brothers, but they had their own lives. As much as they might try to be closer to her there would always be that distance. Ginny didn't feel like making strained conversation tonight. She'd put up with too much from her exams and then her mother harping on her to get to work right off the bat. It felt like she could never rest easy; like she could never draw a full breath without having something else to do and/or worry about. She just wanted some...peace.

But she couldn't get that quite yet. If she spent too much time not socializing her mother would notice and comment. She just didn't want to listen to her mother right now. Instead she helped herself to a small plate of food and sat around a crowded table. This was social enough. If someone wanted to talk to her, they would.

The band started up a half hour later and the table slowly became deserted. Ginny would be lying if she said she wasn't thankful for the silence. Her parents had gone all out for this party, but they'd never once asked her what she wanted. She like talking to people, but in crowds like this it was starting to give her a headache. She watched the figures on the make-shift dance floor swaying to a series of slow songs. They looked nice all dressed up. It reminded her a little of the Yule ball in third year, seeing everyone in their dress robes. One of the songs she specifically asked the band to play drifted out into the open air and she smiled as she saw her mother cringe. It was nice seeing her have to tolerate something for once. Though why she thought "Stigmatized" by the Calling was something to be avoided Ginny couldn't understand. It had a nice tune and deep lyrics. Then again her mother and father had been concerned about her sudden 'dark' tastes in music. She couldn't deny that "Stigmatized" was dark, but it was a dark song with a message.

"Hey Ginny," a familiar voice broke her train of thought. Turning around she came face to face with Harry again. "Why are you moping over here?"

"I am not moping," Ginny replied indignantly. "I'm just not too fond of crowds." Harry nodded understandingly. "I know what you mean." He paused still standing behind her and asked, "Do you think you could brave the dance floor for a bit?"

Ginny's eyes narrowed suspiciously as she eyed Harry. "Did my mum send you here to make me socialize?"

Harry had the dignity to look sheepish. "I think she's trying to set us up again."

Ginny groaned and buried her head in her hands. "She'll have the china patterns picked out by next week."

Harry chuckled warmly, "Come on Ginny, you know she means well." Ginny's only response was to grunt in reply. Harry sighed and rested a hand on her shoulder, leaning down to whisper in her ear. "Then again her antics have been making my boyfriend awfully jealous."

Ginny turned around surprised. "When did you-"

"At the end of the school year before I graduated. I wasn't sure what it would be at first, but lately we've become more serious," Harry replied with an impish grin. Ginny couldn't help but return it. She was honored that Harry would trust her with that information. If any of the others knew she'd have heard about it already.

"Who is he?" She asked, suddenly excited. "Is he here?"

Harry shook his head with another grin. "He hates crowds even more than I do."

Ginny chuckled a little at that, "Oh you must make the perfect pair then. One hermit deserves another." She smiled up at him and asked again, "Are you sure you won't tell me who he is?"

Harry sighed a little and shook his head. "I promised him I wouldn't. He's waiting for the 'right time' to let everyone know."

"That must be bloody annoying," Ginny sympathized.

Harry shrugged a little. "It is... but he's coming around. He's more than worth it too."

Ginny smiled a little, "I'm glad."

Harry leaned down a little and grasped her hand, "So, how about that dance? I promise I'll make your mother regret ever asking me."

Ginny nodded enthusiastically and slid onto the dance floor with him. They had perfect timing too because the band had just started playing, "My Favorite Regret." They stopped in the middle of the dance floor and took a position. Her manicured hands rested lightly on his shoulders and his larger, calloused hands rested securely on her hips. They started out swaying slowly and as the singer started on the lyrics Harry moved her into the proper ballroom position. Ginny smiled and they began to whirl around the dance floor, the other couples giving way to them. The music was soft and slow, the perfect song for a budding couple. If only everyone knew the truth. Her mum was staring intently at them and she and Harry shared a laugh, moving closer to each other. It was nice to have someone with the same mischievous streak in them as her.

As the song came to a close Harry tightened his grip on her waist and dipped her. Ginny laughed a little and let her head fall back. There was a small circle of people around them, apparently they'd put on a good show. Harry pulled her up slowly, smiling at her. "Feel better now Ginny?" Ginny smiled back an nodded. "Good," Harry said leaning forward and giving her a kiss on the forehead. "Try not to let your mum get to you. She only wants what's best for you."

Ginny nodded again. "Thanks Harry," she said quietly.

Harry was about to ask Ginny to come sit with him and her other brothers and sisters when her mum came stalking through the crowd with a look of barely controlled rage. "Ginny, may I talk with you a moment?" She asked while grabbing her daughters wrist. There was a round of 'oohs' and cat calls to her and Harry but Ginny was too busy being dragged away to really pay attention. Everyone might think that this was a slight overreaction to Harry and her dancing so...spiritedly but Ginny knew better. The tight voice, the look of rage, and the way her mother's nails were digging into her skin were a clear indicator of her anger. Ginny didn't know what had brought it on but she did her best to brace herself and her mother dragged her roughly into the kitchen.

"Ginny how could you?" her mum said shrilly as Ginny's father came in behind her and closed the kitchen door.

Ginny's brows knitted together in confusion. "What do you mean mum?"

"Please Ginny, don't play dumb," her father said, standing beside her mum.

"We found your books Ginny," her father said. He was trying to be gentle but intense disappointment and a little bit of anger were clearly visible on his face.

"My boo-"

"You _dark art_ books!" her mum cried out, almost hysterical. "Ginny why on earth would you want to study the dark arts? After fighting You-Know-Who for so long you should know better."

"What are you-" Ginny started, but she was cut off again.

"Hermione's parents asked what kind of a course load you had so I went through your backpack and-"

"What were you doing going through my backpack! Why didn't you just ask me?" Ginny asked indigently. "Is _nothing_ sacred to you?"

Her father's gaze hardened as he pulled two leather bound books from the pocket of his dress robes. "Apparently very little is sacred to you young lady. When I went through your backpack I found these!" He emphasized his point by shoving the books in her face.

Ginny squinted a little to see the books that were less than and inch from her face and recognition dawned over her face. "Oh, Mum, Dad, you're overreacting. These are books I'm reading for school."

"School! No nursing school would put trash like that on their book list!" her mum shrieked.

"No they're not on the book list. I'm reading them to supplement my education."

"And how is following the way of You-Know-Who going to help your nursing career!" Her dad sputtered.

Ginny's eyes narrowed. "I am _not _following Voldemort's path!" Ginny insisted, getting some satisfaction when her parents winced at the name of the dead wizard. "Look," she continued, grasping the books in her hands. "Curses and Hexes of the Dark Arts will better help me understand what kind of terrible things I might have to treat and Potions of the Dark arts will help me better diagnose people suffering from those potions. I'm trying to become a better nurse!"

"Oh and what a fine nurse you'd become studying such black magic!" her mum started to yell, "I'm sorry Ginny I'm not buying it. No nursing seminar would condone this." She reached forward and snatched the books out of Ginny's hands. "And I don't condone it either! You are never to read such books again! Do you hear me!" Ginny looked at her mum, dumbfounded. They were just books. She was trying to help people. Voldemort was dead, what was her mums problem?

"Honestly Ginny sometimes I wonder if Who-Know-Who didn't leave part of himself in you. You're interests are so tainted..." her father said sadly.

Ginny's blood ran cold. So this is what her parents really thought of her? She'd suspected it but they'd never been so cruel as to say it outright before. Would they ever see how hard she tried to earn their respect? She steeled her expression and hardened her tears behind his eyes. If they really thought that little of her there was nothing she could do to change their minds. "I'm sorry you feel that way."

Arthur sighed deeply and Molly looked terribly anxious. "Ginny if you insist on behaviors like these your mother and I will have to start making regular inspections of your room," Arthur said.

"That's fine," Ginny said in a detached manner. "I promise you won't see anything like that from me again."

"We had better not!" Molly said shrilly.

Arthur sighed heavily. "Because it is your party we'll let you go enjoy it but we are not finished with you young lady; I was serious about those searches!"

Ginny nodded primly. It was frightening how little it hurt, how good she'd become at turning off the pain. But inside she was desperately clawing to feel, to breath freely at last. She had to get away... "If you'll excuse me, I think I'll head to the bathroom first."

Molly waived her off quickly and as soon as she turned her back she could hear the two of them whispering quietly; planning whatever other shackles to throw over her life. She walked at an even, measured pace. Every muscle in her body was tight with the force of her control. She couldn't afford to let go, not until she was in the bathroom. Her razor was waiting for her there.

She slipped quietly into the bathroom and opened the mirror above the sink. There next to a bottle of soap was her razor blade. It was the first weapon she had ever used and one she still turned to occasionally when she was at home; when there was too much of a chance of someone catching her in her room. She drew the razor down and pressed it to her skin, sucking in a breath as she did so. She knew she couldn't take too long but oh it felt so good. Here she could finally let everything go. With a small gasp she drew the blade across the skin on her shoulder. It was small for one of her cuts, only an inch long but rather deep. Switching arms she placed a matching cut on her other shoulder. She stared in the mirror with an oddly removed and euphoric expression as she watched the twin streams of blood run down her arms, staining the material of her dress. She mopped some up with her fingers and spread it over her heart. She had wanted to cut there for a so long but she knew that she might go to far if she did that. No, she could only cut on her arms and legs and only the cuts on her shoulders could stay because they were so easy to hide.

How long she stood there, letting the blood run, she could not later say, but it must have been too long. The door to the bathroom, which she'd foolishly forgotten to lock, swung open and her brother Bill entered the tiny room. She panicked and scrambled for her wand but it was too late. Instead she clamped her hands down on her opposite shoulders hoping the wisps of fabric that replaced sleeves on her dress would hide the trails of blood. "Hey Gin, Mum and Dad want you to stop sulking and come enjoy the party..." Bill trailed off suddenly, his eyes locked to her hands. "Ginny?" he asked uncertainly, approaching her slowly. Ginny tried to back up but there was nowhere to go. Bloody hell she couldn't be caught! " What are you doing Gin?" Bill asked her as he grasped her wrists and pulled them away from her shoulders by force. He growled softly, the wolfishness in him showing through. "Merlin Ginny what were you doing? Does this have to do with those books!" Ginny shoved him back into the doorway.

"No it doesn't have to do with those books you bastard! You want to know what I was doing?" A crazed wild smile spread across her face and she said, "Allow me to demonstrate!" She picked up her razor and swiftly plunged it into her forearm, dragging it across her skin roughly, again and again and again. She watched Bills eyes widen and felt a sick satisfaction. Yes, look at what your little sister has become.

"Stop it Ginny! Stop it!" he yelled launching himself forward and grasping both her wrists in his hands, pulling them apart. Ginny squirmed and fought to cut herself more, cursing her brother all the time. This intense racket brought her parents racing up the steps.

"What is it Bill?" Arthur cried as they rounded on the bathroom.

"Is she trying to curse you?" Molly asked in a strained voice.

"No, she's trying to do herself in!" Bill cried, still struggling with his sister. Molly looked absolutely horrified .

It was Arthur who finally acted, launching forward, wand out, and yelling "Petrificus Totalus!" The spell hit Ginny head on and she was frozen in angry rage. How dare they! Why couldn't they see how much she needed this! Bill backed away from her, ripping the razor out of her hands.

Molly was next, stepping forward with an unmasked look of disgust as she healed all of Ginny's wounds so that no one would be able to see she ever cut herself. Ginny tried desperately to stop her when she went for the shoulders. Not them, anything but them, she needed those! But Molly was relentless in her work. Only when she was done did she release Ginny from the spell and let her fall, gasping, to the floor.

"That is it Ginny!" Molly yelled hysterically, "First thing tomorrow morning you are going to St. Mungos! Maybe their mental ward can set you straight or at least they can lock you away where you can do no further harm!" Molly, Arthur, and Bill continued to yell and argue but she couldn't hear them anymore, she didn't want to. She needed to drown out their words with blood, but how could she ever get to a blade like this? Merlin help her!

"Go to your room!" Arthur shouted at last, it was rare to see him this angry. "We'll deal with you in the morning!" Like a wisp of a spirit Ginny lifted herself from the floor and glided towards her room without a word. Words were useless at this point, there was no way she was going to talk them out of it. They has seen her cuts, she'd been far too careless. Only now that they knew, she had no reason to care. It was dangerously liberating.

Closing the door behind her and spelling it shut Ginny reached under her pillow. She was lucky that Molly and Arthur's manners would not allow them to leave the party for too long or they might have searched her room now. But they didn't. They left her, her scissors. With a shuddering breath she ripped the front of her gown open. There were no more rules now; everything was in rubble. She opened the scissors wide, barely seeing them and brought them hard to the skin between her breasts. She pushed as hard as her arms could manage, slowly tearing her skin apart. With a gasping sob (When had she started crying? She wondered.) She twisted the scissors roughly, etching a bleeding circle into her chest. She couldn't feel it. She couldn't feel any of it. Desperate to feel something she drove the scissors hard against her one last time. Someone struggled for breath and somewhere it seemed to be getting a lot darker, but she didn't care. She could feel it now. That was the last things she would remember before slipping away into darkness, that beautiful pain.

_To be continued…_


End file.
